Life After Breathing Underwater
by IloveHarryPotter17
Summary: post 1x22, Fitz wakes up, but every action has a consequence
1. Chapter 1

As soon as they release her from the pressure chamber and declare her to be fine after checking her vitals, she's off and running down the corridor. She pushes the heavy metal door open and slips inside his room, her breath catching at the sight of him.

She stops when she's next to his bed, scanning the equipment that surrounds him. His heartbeat is _so slow_, and he's _so still_, not at all like the Fitz she knows. She spots in the corner of the room and pulls it up to his side, pulling his hand into hers and clasping it tight.

_Please wake up Fitz_, she whispers as tears start to blur her vision. He's her best friend, her partner, she couldn't loose him. He saved her life, more tears come at the thought.

She watches him sleep until her own eyes grow heavy and she falls asleep in the chair, her head on his bed next to their hands still intertwined.

Jemma drifts back into consciousness slowly and the first thing she notices is that her neck is sore from her current position. She lifts her head slightly and opens her eyes, wincing at the sunlight invading the room. _Fitz_.

Her eyes move towards Fitz who is awake and looking down at her. She immediately pushes herself upright into her chair, a flood of relief washing. "Fitz you're awake!" she grins as she reaches for his hand once more, a smile breaking out on her face. _He's okay, we're okay_.

"Uh, yes," Fitz replies glancing around the room and at the medical equipment settled around him. "Where are we?"

Jemma glances around the room at his question, while plain, it's quite obvious in its purpose. "I'm not sure exactly, but a new S.H.I.E.L.D. base would be my best guess."

Fitz nods, not quite looking her in the eye. She knows there's _something _on his mind, but doesn't want to pry, fearing what he'll bring up, the _something more _lingering between them now. Fitz is silent for another moment, tracing the pattern on his blanket with his free hand before he stops, tentatively looking at her out of the corner of his eye as he asks, "And who are you?"

Her heart stops at Fitz's question and she immediately removes her hand from his, pulling it back into the safety of her lap. _No_.

"You don't know who I am?" she asks him, biting her tongue to stop tears from forming in her eyes, _focus_.

"No," he shakes his head, "I'm sorry."

She stares at him, momentarily stunned for a second, Fitz, _her Fitz_, didn't remember her. "Right," she says, standing up and pushing the chair away from the bed. "I'm going to get the doctor and tell her you're awake." She half-runs to the hallway not waiting for a response. As soon as the door closes behind her, she leans her back against it, needing a moment.

_Oxygen deprivation. Retrograde Amnesia. Remember from those psychology classes….how much doesn't he remember?_ The tears start to fall from her face as she recalls the Fitz of four days ago, telling her he cared for her as more than a friend and shoving the oxygen mask into her hands before he set off the defibrillator. If she had insisted that he take the mask, would he be okay now? Would she be the one with amnesia instead? Fitz doesn't deserve not to remember all that he is, all the things he's done in the past couple of months…If she had never insisted that they sign up for Coulson's team, he wouldn't be in the room behind her right now, unable to remember who she is.

_It's my fault_, the tears come harder at the realization that she could've prevented this, she could have protected her sweet, brave, Fitz. She may not have been able to protect him before, but she will from now on, _I promise_. Jemma wipes her tears away and takes off down the hall in search for the doctor.

* * *

**A/N**: As a neuro major I know oxygen deprivation wouldn't lead to this (extreme) amount of amnesia, but go with it, okay?

First time writing for AoS, let me know how it is.

(I plan on continuing this, just fyi)


	2. Chapter 2

Jemma trails the doctor inside Fitz's room and stands awkwardly against the wall, crossing her arms across her chest to make herself seem smaller, less in the way. Fitz glances at her and the doctor follows his line of vision.

"Maybe you'd like to wait outside?" the doctor suggests. Jemma doesn't respond but ducks outside the door, knowing when she's no longer welcome.

* * *

The door shuts behind Jemma and the doctor turns back to him, "I'm Doctor Lansburg, your teammate told me you were having some memory issues? What's the last thing you remember?"

_Telling Jemma he loved her, Jemma kissing his face, then her scream as he hit the button on the defibrillator...Waking up half an hour ago to Jemma sitting on a chair facing his bed, head down on her arms on top of his bed, fast asleep. _He watched her sleep for a while before she began to move, and the panic set in. What was he going to tell her? _What would she say?_ He was going to _die_. He wasn't supposed to _live_ to hear her say she didn't feel the same.

Fitz hesitates, he has to tell the truth, but he knows he's going to be in trouble. He takes a deep breath, as deep as he can manage, and says "I remember, well I remember everything before I-I passed out, but I remember _her_." The doctor gives him an _I don't believe you look_, and so he continues, "She's Jemma, my best friend…except, well…she's _more _than just my best friend to me and I told her that, I thought I was going to die."

"And now you don't feel the same way?" Dr. Lansburg asks.

An image flashes in his mind: _Jemma smiling, ooh'ing over the pattern of her chromatography paper, pure happiness radiating from her_. "I feel the same, I just don't think she does."

"Then a word of advice?" Fitz nods, _I need all I can get_. "Tell her that you remember her now. The longer you wait the worst it will be." He nods again because really, _what was he expecting_, he knows that she's right. "Now, I want you to stand up, I'm just going to do a few tests."

Fitz swings his legs over the side of his bed and stands up, his legs shaky beneath him, he feels for the bed behind him with his hands to steady himself.

"You've been in bed for a while, it's perfectly fine, take a moment," Dr. Lansburg says as she moves in front of him. Fitz lets go slowly, and his legs manage to support his weight. "Good, now, without moving your neck, follow my finger," she instructs.

* * *

**A/N: BACK! And so is Fitz's memory! Although he didn't really loose it (although he did loose the memory of passing out/swimming to the surface because your brain automatically wipes 'traumatic' incidents like that from itself. which is kind of awesome. and scary.)**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they make me so happy and make almost getting caught writing this at work worth it!**

**Science Notes: Chromoaography is gorgeous sometimes (just google image search chromatography. And keep in mind when you're stuck in a chem lab, basically anything can pass for being gorgeous). **


	3. Chapter 3

Dr. Lansburg leaves and Jemma steps back into the room, still clearly uncomfortable, but she manages a smile _for him_, "What did she say? Skye contacted me, the BUS is…Oh _wait_, I don't-"

"Jemma, it's okay," he says and her eyes snap to his the second he says her name. "I have to tell you something."

Jemma immediately rushes to his side, sitting down in the chair that she occupied earlier, her face bright with a genuine smile now, "Did you get you memory back?"

_She's going to hate me_. "Don't be too cross Jemma..." _get it over with already, quick like a band-aid, _"_ButIneverlostit_," Fitz breathes out quickly, watching Jemma closely for a reaction.

Her brows furrow and the look she gets when she's trying to solve a puzzle takes over her features, "What?"

"I don't have amnesia, Jemma, I remember everything. I'm _so sorry_. _Please, _Jemma."

"I don't _understand_," Jemma shakes her head. "Why would you do that? Why would you say you don't remember who I am?" her voice cracks and tears begin to gather at the corners of her eyes.

"When we were in the pod, I thought we were going to die and I had to tell you how I felt," he watches each tear fall down her face as he speaks, and he closes his own eyes for a second as the memory of panic and cold water flashes across his mind. He opens them again, "I woke up and you were here and I remembered what I said and I know you don't feel the same but I can't listen to you say it. I just thought it would buy me some time, I didn't want to hurt you Jemma, _I'm sorry_."

"_Fitz_…" Jemma says softly, her eyebrows knitting together.

"It's okay," Fitz interrupts her, _no platitudes._ "You should go back to the BUS, see how everyone else is holding up."

"What? No, didn't she just clear you?" Jemma asks, her eyes scanning the machines still hooked up to him.

_Tell her the truth._ "She wants to run a few more tests," Fitz answers honestly.

"A few tests? Why, for what?"

He opens his mouth to explain but decides it would be better to show her instead. "Hold out your hand," Fitz instructs and Jemma does so, holding her hand out over the bed, palm facing downwards, but her eyes are trained on him. He closes his right eye and with his right hand shaking slightly, he reaches out for Jemma's hand. He can see his hand touching hers, but he can't _feel _it, "I can't feel your hand, but this is where I see our hands touching," he explains, his hand an inch away from hers. He opens his eye and focuses on Jemma's face. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly open.

"We'll fix it," she declares as she wraps her hand around his and rests them on the bed in the space in between them. "It will be fine, Fitz."

He finds himself smiling at her words even though he knows that even they cannot fix _this: his nerves, his brain cells, everything that died in the minutes between the ocean floor and the surface_. "Thanks Jemma," he finds the words falling from his lips. "But you should go back to the BUS, see how Coulson, Skye, May and…Triplett are."

Jemma shakes her head, squeezing his hand, "No I'm not going to leave you."

"Please Jemma, I'm sure they're worried. I'll be okay. It's just a few tests." _A few tests I don't want you to see me fail_. "Please Jemma? I'll be released afterwards, it will be fine. I'll meet you on the BUS."

Jemma stares at him for a moment and he's worries she'll insist, but to his relief she complies, "Okay. But you have to tell me everything she says. Promise?"

"Promise."

* * *

**A/N**: My poor baby Fitz.


End file.
